Rewards and Sacrifices of Pursuing Goals: A Look Back into the Last Decade

Running away from failure

The past decade had been defined by a lot of running away. Running from the stress of not meeting family’s expectations. The embarrassment of not having a job after college.

The advice I received only made me feel more confused. So should I “follow my passion” or “choose something stable?” Do I “find my dream job” or “just get started anywhere?”

In my mind I had a vague idea I wanted to help young students. When I started a job at a meaningful organization, I felt so relieved because I thought I had reached my finish line. From my first day I should’ve left.

I ignored all the red flags. Unhinged boss? Check. Disorganized management? Check. Low pay and high stress? Check. Most of my days were trying to do my work while the boss ranted about the unkindness of the world only to be just as unkind to those around him.

I quit soon after that. That job was my lowest point, but also my turning point.

It’s only up from here

As horrid as the job was, through it I found I loved organizing and creating. (Again, still pretty vague then.) I took a huge leap of faith — I quit that job and started learning programming.

This time I wasn’t running away. I wanted to become a developer and I’d forge on until I’ve gotten my first job.

So what if I didn’t understand how to solve this algorithm? This will never be as bad as getting yelled at every day. I told myself, “Just keep going and by next week I’ll understand how to write loops.”

Then after that I’d learn how to add animations to my buttons. Then I’d create a web application.

My progress gave me confidence to keep moving forward. Finally I started feeling that I was in control of my own fate.

Bittersweet joy of moving on

Paving my own path has given me immeasurable joy. Joy doesn’t always equal happiness though.

Marching forward also means sometimes things get left behind.

When my career goals no longer aligned with my current position, I had to make the difficult decision of leaving. That meant leaving behind managers who entrusted me to lead a team and colleagues I love working with.

It was sad to say good bye. No more “See you all Monday.” The farewell was hard, but I also believe this decision to take on a new job will place me on a path I need to be.

Cheers to the end of this challenging, yet rewarding decade. May the next decade bring even more opportunities for growth.